My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
