who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
