you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
