none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
