She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
