just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
