He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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