my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
