I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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