when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
