im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
