Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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