One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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