I think I died a long time ago.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think my vagina is haunted
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
