my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
