I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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