Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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