i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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