You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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