Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
