Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
