Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
