Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
