RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Randomize
