We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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