4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
