I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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