The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
