sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can I color on your dick again?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
