Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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