So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
