If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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