The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How does one acquire holy water?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
