how can u be prego again
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
