is wine microwaveable?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
