I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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