I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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