this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
