Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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