remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
