ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
