Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
