so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
