you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We are all done wearing pants today
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
