oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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