I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
