Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
