I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
