she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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