i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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