lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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