I'm so fucking centered right now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize