and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His nipple licking is glorious
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