I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We need to get me chipped asap
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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