Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im holly from the hills drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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