My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
