This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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