My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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