i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
