you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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