I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
