My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
