she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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