Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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