Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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