I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap