saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
