when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
