my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
