Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
