Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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