i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
