i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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