Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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