If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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