She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
