I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
