I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
