Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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