I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
