My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
